How You Can Cope With A Perpetually Angry Spouse
Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA
Updated May 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse which could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7. Please also see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.
Being in a relationship with an angry partner, such as an angry husband, can feel overwhelming at times, especially when you sense a constant presence of anger or negativity. However, there is help available for overcoming the emotions and results that may arise from this situation. In some cases, men experience more benefits when discussing the roots of their anger in a safe, comfortable environment. There are also ways you can learn to cope with the effects of your partner’s anger and develop healthy relationships. For many couples experiencing relationship problems, spending time in counseling can be a powerful resource, but there are also other methods you can try to get your relationship to a healthier place.
Identify ways to improve your relationship
How your partner’s emotions can impact you
When your husband or partner seems angry most of the time, it can have a number of effects on your relationship, including:
- Criticism and damage to a sense of safety and trust
- Fear of being hurt
- Feeling distanced from your partner
- Sadness, loneliness, and anxiety
- Damage to self-esteem
- An increase in sexual temptations
- An increase in drinking, gambling, and other compulsive behaviors
- Frequent or recurring fights
- Always thinking it is your fault or you should apologize
How to cope with an angry partner
In order to begin coping with your partner’s behavior, it may be helpful to first spend time identifying the root cause of your partner’s angry behavior, if you can. Are there certain events or feelings that are contributing to their anger? If they are shouting constantly, distinguishing the reason can be one step on how to stop yelling in a relationship. By getting to the bottom of their angry outbursts, and avoiding thinking they are wrong, you may be able to have a conversation and work together to address the issue and find effective coping strategies. If your partner or husband is experiencing difficulty uncovering the reasons behind their anger, they may benefit from counseling to help them get to the root of their feelings. Keep in mind that you are not responsible for someone else’s emotions, nor how that person handles their emotions. But understanding as much as possible is likely to help you better determine productive responses on your part.
1. Start a discussion and talk to your partner
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your partner’s anger, it’s important to communicate your concerns. Connect with your partner and practice active listening. Intentional listening can show that you are genuinely interested in their feelings and want to help. Sometimes, the mere act of talking or venting to another person can encourage a breakthrough. When you have a conversation with your partner about their angry behavior, it’s important that you allow them to express themselves without judgment. It’s natural to want to express how your partner’s anger affects you, but first, it can be beneficial to simply listen.
2. Respond with compassion and empathy
It can be easy to compare our partners to ourselves. After all, if we believe that we have control of our emotions, why can’t they? When discussing your partner’s anger, try to keep an open mind and refrain from judgment or blame. This should allow them to feel free to speak openly and may increase the chances that you’ll get to the root of the problem.
3. Consider the source of their anger
"I think my husband hates me, what could be the reason?" Human beings are emotional creatures, and we all respond differently to various circumstances. Think about any recent events that may be affecting your partner. For example, the loss of a friend or loved one, a change in or loss of a job, or problems with their physical or mental health could be contributing to their angry outbursts. Many events can cause stress, and if they are experiencing depression, this can result in a change in mood and behavior. If recent events are to blame for why your husband is consistently angry, you may need to give them space and time to heal before expecting their angry outbursts to completely subside.
4. Take care of yourself and your mental health
You may be thinking, “My husband is always angry and rude to me. How can I take care of myself while experiencing this kind of treatment?” While it’s important to talk to and support your partner, you must not forget to take care of yourself too. Try to avoid letting your partner’s angry behavior destroy your own well-being. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with your partner’s emotions or having difficulties in your relationship, it can help to talk with friends and/or family. This could be a friend or loved one, or a mental health professional. Having a social support system has many proven benefits, including reduced stress and improved emotional well-being.
5. Reach out to a professional
Warning signs of domestic violence can include yelling, belittling, isolating you from people who love you, such as friends and family, or attempts to harm your health. Healthy relationships involve love, communication, patience, and interdependence. Abuse is not love.
Identify ways to improve your relationship
Online therapy with BetterHelp
Online therapy services, like BetterHelp, can match you and your partner with a licensed marriage counselor from the comfort of your own home (or wherever's most convenient for you). Online therapy may be a more affordable option but it’s also been proven to be just as effective as in-person therapy. Whether you’re facing financial strain, difficulties in relationships, time constraints, or don’t have a therapist available in your area, online therapy can allow you to still get the attention you need.
Psychotherapy has proven beneficial for the treatment of anger and helps individuals deal with relationship issues. In fact, one extensive study found that online therapy was effective in strengthening relationships. Another found that 75% of people receiving anger management therapy credit the treatment for reducing their anger issues.
In other words, there is still hope, even if your partner is dealing with angry emotions and it seems to be getting worse. A counselor can help your partner get to the root of their anger and find ways to manage their emotions. They can also help improve your communication skills as a couple, which may help reduce rage outbursts.
Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.
Therapist reviews
Linda Seibert, MA, LPC, NCC
"I've only had two sessions with Linda but have learned a lot about my relationship with my husband and she has given me a lot of food for thought and different ways to look at the situation as well as ideas on communication. She has been very helpful!"
Valorie Bronstone, LPC-MHSP
“My husband and I are very appreciative of Valorie’s help and guidance in helping us work through some marital issues. After a few months of working weekly with her, we feel better equipped to weather our storms.”
Takeaway
If your partner is experiencing issues with anger, negativity, or a lack of communication, it can seem overwhelming for your relationship. Yet, there are ways you can help your partner overcome their anger, while also taking care of your own needs. One option that’s been proven effective is online therapy. In fact, online therapy has been shown to help improve relationships as well as reduce anger. If your partner’s anger is affecting your life, consider reaching out for help.
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